Mindset of Acceptance

The third mindset we’re discussing in the 9 Attitudes of Mindfulness is Acceptance.

What does the word “acceptance” make you feel? Does it make you feel defeated or resigned? Or does it make you feel at peace and hopeful? Acceptance is an idea tied to a person or circumstance that we are not happy with and wish to change but cannot. Like most people and most situations, simply willing them to be different doesn’t actually make them different.

It reminds me of the phrase “the grass is greener on the other side.” Or thinking things like…

“If only I had _.”

“I would feel better if [he/she/they] just _.”

“I just need _ for _ so I can _.”

“Why won’t [he/she/they] just do _.”

“I’m so upset [he/she/they] _.”

Sometimes things are in our control and other times they are not. Like choosing the lesser of two evils. Some things we deem as unacceptable and we move on, which in a way is it’s own version of accepting circumstances. Other times we endure, working through things issue by issue. Acceptance in it’s very nature is a personal decision.

What does the Bible teach us?

It says to bring our burdens to God, “by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving” (Philippians 4:6). We are to “cast all our care upon Him because He cares for us” (1 Peter 5:7). Acceptance chooses to believe that “all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). (See more at https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-acceptance.html)

Now Dr. Zinn Kabat is the one who came up with the 9 Attitudes of Mindfulness, and he says this,

“Acceptance is a very active process, there is nothing passive about it, it’s not passive resignation but an act of recognition that things are the way they are… Acceptance doesn’t mean we can’t work to change the world, or circumstances, but it means that unless we accept things as they are, we will try to force things to be as they are not and that can create an enormous amount of difficulty.”

I like how he says it’s an active process. It’s something we have to work on consciously. It’s not just going to come naturally. It’s a choice, or a series of choices, that lead us to acceptance.

Here are my 2 “small issue” examples of daily application of this mindset. While acceptance is a serious topic for often very serious things, from precious relationships to health to life and death, we are thankfully not always in the fire.

Let me pose it this way, if we can’t find acceptance in the small day-to-day things, how will we handle the very big things?

How can we apply this mindset in a day-to-day way?

• Here is my inner monologue from earlier today.

  • All I want to wear are leggings. I have 2 black pairs. I have almost all my laundry clean with one pile left to put away and one still to be ran. I cannot find them anywhere. My 2 year old is laying by the door waiting on me while yelling “mommy” to help put on his shoes and get out of the house. I want my leggings. Where are they? 2 pairs. Seriously. Where did they go? Not in the drawers, not in the hamper, not in the clean clothes pile. I’m spending WAY too long destroying my room looking for at least one pair of my old buttery soft black leggings and they are no where.

    ACCEPTANCE pops in my head. Like the little cricket conscience in Pinocchio, “Accept that you can’t find them right now, Holly! You have more clothes than you need, you just rifled through an obscene amount of options. Choose something else.” “Alright, alright I respond to myself.” I get dressed, finally.

    • This reminds me of a term I use with my students at work, “flexible thinking”. It means there is more than one way to do something, more than one way to solve a problem, more than one opinion, and accepting that all the options are possibilities. The world works in shades of gray, not black and white.

• This next one is a foodie example. My household is basically plant based but of course it’s more complicated than that. My husband is vegetarian, my son has allergies, and I choose to eat plant based but will supplement my diet with chicken or fish if necessary. It’s been a source of many conversations, many advanced notice food preparations, and often headaches. Road tripping is something we want to be flexible with but the things I’m okay flexing, are opposite than what my husband is okay with flexing, and what my son simply doesn’t have the luxury of flexing. SO, what to do? Instead of trying to convince my husband to eat xyz, or packing my son separate meals, we either resign to pack meals we all can eat, OR we pack food specifically for my son and make 2 stops for each of us. We do have options -and not every trip will be the same but we’ve had to accept each others quirks in this way. It took a long time to find this acceptance. I ultimately did reincorporate some meat because I needed to be more flexible in my everyday life. My husband did reincorporate dairy and eggs to be more flexible. Over time, we found this acceptance and ultimately peace about it. It gives us better options at restaurants and with family meals.

I’d love to take this topic of daily acceptance to God. Let us begin this process by taking all things, from the very small to the large, to God with the power of prayer.

Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

Or…

Dear Heavenly Father, the one who knows my heart and mind, grant me the ability to prioritize the things that matter in my life. Give me wisdom to see problems as big or small. Help me to change my mindsets to positive ways of viewing the world. Help me to be a flexible thinker. Please give me clarity to choose where to put my energy. Help me to find peace and acceptance with the things that I can and cannot control. I lift my burdens up to you, God, that you may lighten my load and give me the peace that comes from trusting Your will and the plans You have for me. Amen.

Care to tie in a mantra or breath prayer?

“I can be a flexible thinker.” | “I can be a flexible thinker with God’s help.” | “God, help me to be a flexible thinker.” | “God help me to find acceptance.”

Okay, I’d love to hear your examples of day to day “acceptance”. What helps you cope? Do you actively think about acceptance?